The “Love and Logic” approach, created by Jim Fay and Dr. Foster Cline, is famous for its “Brain Dead” technique and the philosophy of handing the problem back to the child.
In the heat of a meltdown, Love and Logic suggests focusing on your role. Your goal isn’t to stop the crying. Instead, aim to stay a “loving authority.” Refuse to be pulled into the chaos.
1. The “Brain Dead” Technique
When a child is screaming or arguing, they are trying to “drain your energy.” Love and Logic suggests you neutralize this by becoming a “broken record” with a calm, empathetic one-liner.
The Move: Don’t lecture or explain. Pick one phrase and repeat it in a soft, kind voice every time they scream or argue.
The Phrases: * “I love you too much to argue.”
“I know.”
“What did I say?”
“I’ll be happy to talk about this when your voice is as calm as mine.”
2. Use Enforceable Statements
Most parents make the mistake of telling the child what to do (which you can’t actually control). Love and Logic tells you to say what YOU will do.
Instead of: “Stop screaming right now!”
Try: “I’ll be in the kitchen as soon as it’s quiet enough for me to hear myself think.”
Instead of: “Go to your room!”
Try: “Feel free to stay with us as long as you can keep your hands to yourself.”
3. Empathy FIRST, Logic SECOND
This is the “Golden Rule” of the method. You can’t deliver a consequence or a “lesson” until you have “locked in” empathy. If you deliver a consequence with anger, the child focuses on your anger. If you deliver it with empathy, they focus on their poor decision.
The Formula:Empathy + Consequence
Example:“Oh, man. This is so sad. You were having so much fun, but now we have to leave because you hit your brother. We’ll try again tomorrow.”
4. The “Anticipatory” Consequence (The Delay)
If you are too angry to think of a logical consequence, Love and Logic permits you to wait. Or if the child is mid-meltdown, you can also choose to wait.
What to say:“Oh, no. This is a big problem. I’m going to have to do something about this, but I’m not sure what yet. I’ll let you know when I’ve decided. Try not to worry about it too much in the meantime.”
Why it works: It stops the power struggle in the moment. It lets the child “stew” in the logic of their actions. Meanwhile, you can calm down and find a consequence that actually fits.
Comparison: Love and Logic vs. Traditional Parenting
Traditional
Love and Logic
Warning: “If you don’t stop, no TV!”
Choice: “You’re welcome to watch TV once the toys are put away.”
Anger: “I’ve told you ten times to stop!”
Empathy: “I bet it’s hard to stop playing. What a bummer.”
Control: “I’m making you do this.”
Ownership: “You’ve decided to lose your tech time by acting that way.”
Here is an Example of applied logic
Homework is the ultimate testing ground for Love and Logic.
The Love and Logic goal: Stop being the “Homework Police” and start being the “Consultant.”
1. The Enforceable Statement
Instead of nagging (“Do your math!”), Tell them what you are going to do. This shifts the power back to them.
The Statement: “I’ll be happy to help with any problems you’re stuck on. Just make sure I don’t hear any whining or complaining. If I hear whining, I’ll assume you’ve decided to finish it on your own.”
The Follow-through: The second the whining starts, you walk away. There is no lecture. Just a pat on the shoulder and a “Bummer.” I’ll be in the kitchen if you want to try again calmly later.
2. Offer “The Choice.”
Give them control over the details, so they don’t feel the need to fight you for control over the task.
“Would you like to do your homework now, or after a 15-minute snack?”
“Do you want to work at the kitchen table or on the floor with a clipboard?”
“Would you like to do the hardest problems first or the easiest ones?”
3. The “Consultant” Mindset
When they say, “I can’t do this!” or “I don’t know how!”, don’t rush in to fix it. This creates “learned helplessness.”
Child: “I hate this! I don’t get it!”
Parent (The Consultant): “Oh, man. That’s a tough feeling. What do you think you’re going to do about that?”
Child: “I don’t know!”
Parent: “Would you like to hear what some other kids have tried?” (Wait for a “Yes”). “Some kids decide to email their teacher. Other kids choose to turn it in unfinished and take the lower grade. Which do you think works better for you?”
4. Let the “Natural Consequence” be the Teacher
If they refuse to do the work, Love and Logic says: Let them. It is better for a 9-year-old to feel the “sting” of a missed recess now. Experiencing a zero on a paper is also valuable. The stakes are low. They should learn that lesson now rather than as a 25-year-old at a job.
Your line: “I love you too much to fight about this. I’m sure you’ll manage to handle whatever your teacher decides tomorrow.”
The Secret: You must be genuinely empathetic when they get the bad grade. No “I told you so.” Just: “Oh, what a bummer. I bet that grade feels pretty lousy. Let me know if you want to brainstorm how to avoid that next time.”
If a Meltdown Occurs Mid-Homework:
Use the “Brain Dead” technique mentioned earlier:
Empathy: “Oh, this is so frustrating.”
The Move: “I’m going to go fold laundry. I’ll be back to help when your voice is as calm as mine.”
Exit: Leave the room. Do not engage in the “But I can’t!” shouting from the other room.
Does your child usually have meltdowns because they are confused by the work? Or is it because they don’t want to do it?
The core of the program is built on “enforceable statements.” This approach involves telling a child what you will do. For example, you say, “I’ll be happy to take you to the park when your room is clean.” This is more effective than barking orders at them. Many of the techniques in Love and Logic are very helpful in preparing parents as their children grow. They help children manage their behavior lovingly and positively.
We do recommend reading Love and Logic. You can find it here on Amazon
In the ever-evolving landscape of parenting, two terms are often discussed: Gentle Parenting and Firm Boundaries. Often, they are presented as opposing philosophies, leaving parents feeling torn between empathy and structure. Nonetheless, the most effective approach isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about understanding how to integrate both for nurturing resilient children.
Understanding Temper Tantrums and Meltdowns: A Parent’s Guide
All children, from toddlers to pre-teens, experience moments of intense emotional expression. Often, these are labeled as “temper tantrums.” However, there’s a crucial distinction between a typical tantrum and a meltdown. Understanding this distinction can profoundly change how parents respond and support their child.
What’s the Difference? Tantrum vs. Meltdown
Temper Tantrums: A temper tantrum is generally a behavioral response that is goal-oriented. This means the child is often seeking something specific: attention, a toy, to avoid a task, or a specific outcome. Tantrums usually have an “audience” and will often subside if the child realizes their behavior isn’t achieving the desired result. They are often characterized by:
As children spend more time navigating digital spaces, the landscape of their social development is undergoing a profound shift. The traditional playgrounds of face-to-face interaction are now supplemented by screens. Sometimes, they are even replaced. This change leads many parents to worry about their children’s ability to read “social cues” and form deep, meaningful friendships.
In 2026, the conversation around kids and technology has shifted. We’ve moved past the era of simply “counting minutes” and into an era of digital intentionality. Parents are no longer just “screen police”; they are becoming “digital coaches.”
If you feel like you’re constantly battling a glowing rectangle for your child’s attention, you aren’t alone. Here is how to navigate digital boundaries with empathy, clarity, and science-backed strategies.
The Survivalist’s Guide to a Family-Friendly New Year’s Eve
New Year’s Eve is traditionally a night of glitz, glamour, and staying up late enough to see the sunrise. But when you have a family, the “glamour” is usually replaced by a sticky film of apple juice. The only “ball drop” happening at midnight is your toddler dropping a heavy plastic dinosaur onto your foot. This occurs while you’re asleep on the sofa.
If you’re trading the nightclub for the living room this year, here is your field guide. It will help you survive the most chaotic countdown of the year.
The Great Christmas Cookie Disaster: A Parent’s Field Guide
Ah, Christmas cookies. The scent of cinnamon and sugar wafting through the air, tiny hands eagerly pressing cookie cutters, festive sprinkles showering everything in a magical glitter…
And then there’s the reality.
Baking Christmas cookies with kids is less like a heartwarming Hallmark movie and more like an episode of Nailed It! judged by a panel of extremely sticky, hyperactive toddlers. It’s a battle of wills. It’s a test of patience. It’s a guaranteed path to finding flour in places you didn’t even know existed. This includes, somehow, the dog.
If you’re brave enough to embark on this annual tradition, prepare yourself for the following stages:
Here is a funny article for your entertainment. Enjoy!
The 7 Stages of Gift-Wrapping Grief: A Descent Into Madness
Every year, around the second week of December, a collective delusion washes over the population. We scroll through Instagram and Pinterest, beholding presents wrapped with the architectural precision of a Frank Gehry building. They have dried orange slices tied with twine. They have sprigs of real cedar tucked into velvet ribbons. Their corners are so sharp you could cut a steak with them.
And we think: “Yes. This year, this is who I am. I am an artisanal wrapper.”
The Biting Phase: Understanding the “Why” and Managing the “Ouch”
Few things make a parent’s stomach drop faster than picking up their child from daycare and hearing, “There was an incident today…” whether your child was the one bitten or the one doing the biting.
Biting is a visceral, emotional, and often painful issue. Parents of the biter often feel intense shame (“Is my child aggressive?”), while parents of the victim feel protective anger. However, in the world of early childhood development, biting is surprisingly common and rarely malicious.
Here is a guide to decoding the behavior and handling it with confidence.
Hit a Potty Training Puddle? How to Handle Regressions with Confidence
You did it. After weeks of patience, sticker charts, and tiny potties, your child was finally using the toilet. You’d triumphantly packed away the diapers. And then, suddenly, it’s accidents all over again.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This is potty training regression, and it’s one of the most common and frustrating bumps in the road for parents.
First, take a deep breath. A regression is not a failure—not for you, and not for your child. It’s a temporary setback and a sign that your child is dealing with something new.
Posted: February 19, 2026 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
The “Love and Logic” approach
The “Love and Logic” approach, created by Jim Fay and Dr. Foster Cline, is famous for its “Brain Dead” technique and the philosophy of handing the problem back to the child.
In the heat of a meltdown, Love and Logic suggests focusing on your role. Your goal isn’t to stop the crying. Instead, aim to stay a “loving authority.” Refuse to be pulled into the chaos.
1. The “Brain Dead” Technique
When a child is screaming or arguing, they are trying to “drain your energy.” Love and Logic suggests you neutralize this by becoming a “broken record” with a calm, empathetic one-liner.
2. Use Enforceable Statements
Most parents make the mistake of telling the child what to do (which you can’t actually control). Love and Logic tells you to say what YOU will do.
3. Empathy FIRST, Logic SECOND
This is the “Golden Rule” of the method. You can’t deliver a consequence or a “lesson” until you have “locked in” empathy. If you deliver a consequence with anger, the child focuses on your anger. If you deliver it with empathy, they focus on their poor decision.
Empathy+Consequence4. The “Anticipatory” Consequence (The Delay)
If you are too angry to think of a logical consequence, Love and Logic permits you to wait. Or if the child is mid-meltdown, you can also choose to wait.
Comparison: Love and Logic vs. Traditional Parenting
Here is an Example of applied logic
Homework is the ultimate testing ground for Love and Logic.
The Love and Logic goal: Stop being the “Homework Police” and start being the “Consultant.”
1. The Enforceable Statement
Instead of nagging (“Do your math!”), Tell them what you are going to do. This shifts the power back to them.
2. Offer “The Choice.”
Give them control over the details, so they don’t feel the need to fight you for control over the task.
3. The “Consultant” Mindset
When they say, “I can’t do this!” or “I don’t know how!”, don’t rush in to fix it. This creates “learned helplessness.”
4. Let the “Natural Consequence” be the Teacher
If they refuse to do the work, Love and Logic says: Let them. It is better for a 9-year-old to feel the “sting” of a missed recess now. Experiencing a zero on a paper is also valuable. The stakes are low. They should learn that lesson now rather than as a 25-year-old at a job.
If a Meltdown Occurs Mid-Homework:
Use the “Brain Dead” technique mentioned earlier:
Does your child usually have meltdowns because they are confused by the work? Or is it because they don’t want to do it?
The core of the program is built on “enforceable statements.” This approach involves telling a child what you will do. For example, you say, “I’ll be happy to take you to the park when your room is clean.” This is more effective than barking orders at them. Many of the techniques in Love and Logic are very helpful in preparing parents as their children grow. They help children manage their behavior lovingly and positively.
We do recommend reading Love and Logic. You can find it here on Amazon
Last Updated: February 19, 2026 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
Gentle Parenting and Firm Boundaries
In the ever-evolving landscape of parenting, two terms are often discussed: Gentle Parenting and Firm Boundaries. Often, they are presented as opposing philosophies, leaving parents feeling torn between empathy and structure. Nonetheless, the most effective approach isn’t about choosing one over the other. It’s about understanding how to integrate both for nurturing resilient children.
Read MoreLast Updated: February 11, 2026 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
Understanding Temper Tantrums
Understanding Temper Tantrums and Meltdowns: A Parent’s Guide
All children, from toddlers to pre-teens, experience moments of intense emotional expression. Often, these are labeled as “temper tantrums.” However, there’s a crucial distinction between a typical tantrum and a meltdown. Understanding this distinction can profoundly change how parents respond and support their child.
What’s the Difference? Tantrum vs. Meltdown
Temper Tantrums: A temper tantrum is generally a behavioral response that is goal-oriented. This means the child is often seeking something specific: attention, a toy, to avoid a task, or a specific outcome. Tantrums usually have an “audience” and will often subside if the child realizes their behavior isn’t achieving the desired result. They are often characterized by:
Read MoreLast Updated: January 14, 2026 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
Navigating Digital Spaces
As children spend more time navigating digital spaces, the landscape of their social development is undergoing a profound shift. The traditional playgrounds of face-to-face interaction are now supplemented by screens. Sometimes, they are even replaced. This change leads many parents to worry about their children’s ability to read “social cues” and form deep, meaningful friendships.
Read MoreLast Updated: January 13, 2026 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
Screen Time & Digital Boundaries
In 2026, the conversation around kids and technology has shifted. We’ve moved past the era of simply “counting minutes” and into an era of digital intentionality. Parents are no longer just “screen police”; they are becoming “digital coaches.”
If you feel like you’re constantly battling a glowing rectangle for your child’s attention, you aren’t alone. Here is how to navigate digital boundaries with empathy, clarity, and science-backed strategies.
Read MoreLast Updated: January 14, 2026 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
The Survivalist’s Guide to a Family-Friendly New Year’s Eve
The Survivalist’s Guide to a Family-Friendly New Year’s Eve
New Year’s Eve is traditionally a night of glitz, glamour, and staying up late enough to see the sunrise. But when you have a family, the “glamour” is usually replaced by a sticky film of apple juice. The only “ball drop” happening at midnight is your toddler dropping a heavy plastic dinosaur onto your foot. This occurs while you’re asleep on the sofa.
If you’re trading the nightclub for the living room this year, here is your field guide. It will help you survive the most chaotic countdown of the year.
Read MoreLast Updated: December 11, 2025 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
The Great Christmas Cookie Disaster
The Great Christmas Cookie Disaster: A Parent’s Field Guide
Ah, Christmas cookies. The scent of cinnamon and sugar wafting through the air, tiny hands eagerly pressing cookie cutters, festive sprinkles showering everything in a magical glitter…
And then there’s the reality.
Baking Christmas cookies with kids is less like a heartwarming Hallmark movie and more like an episode of Nailed It! judged by a panel of extremely sticky, hyperactive toddlers. It’s a battle of wills. It’s a test of patience. It’s a guaranteed path to finding flour in places you didn’t even know existed. This includes, somehow, the dog.
If you’re brave enough to embark on this annual tradition, prepare yourself for the following stages:
Read MoreLast Updated: December 2, 2025 by Dennis6336 2 Comments
The 7 Stages of Gift-Wrapping Grief
Here is a funny article for your entertainment. Enjoy!
The 7 Stages of Gift-Wrapping Grief: A Descent Into Madness
Every year, around the second week of December, a collective delusion washes over the population. We scroll through Instagram and Pinterest, beholding presents wrapped with the architectural precision of a Frank Gehry building. They have dried orange slices tied with twine. They have sprigs of real cedar tucked into velvet ribbons. Their corners are so sharp you could cut a steak with them.
And we think: “Yes. This year, this is who I am. I am an artisanal wrapper.”
We are lying to ourselves.
Read MorePosted: November 14, 2025 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
The Biting Phase
The Biting Phase: Understanding the “Why” and Managing the “Ouch”
Few things make a parent’s stomach drop faster than picking up their child from daycare and hearing, “There was an incident today…” whether your child was the one bitten or the one doing the biting.
Biting is a visceral, emotional, and often painful issue. Parents of the biter often feel intense shame (“Is my child aggressive?”), while parents of the victim feel protective anger. However, in the world of early childhood development, biting is surprisingly common and rarely malicious.
Here is a guide to decoding the behavior and handling it with confidence.
Read MoreLast Updated: November 11, 2025 by Dennis6336 Leave a Comment
Hit a Potty Training Puddle?
Hit a Potty Training Puddle? How to Handle Regressions with Confidence
You did it. After weeks of patience, sticker charts, and tiny potties, your child was finally using the toilet. You’d triumphantly packed away the diapers. And then, suddenly, it’s accidents all over again.
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. This is potty training regression, and it’s one of the most common and frustrating bumps in the road for parents.
First, take a deep breath. A regression is not a failure—not for you, and not for your child. It’s a temporary setback and a sign that your child is dealing with something new.
Read More